Mike and I have had undefinable relations.
Two months shy of two years ago is when I first had eyes for Mike. At the time I was about 2 years strong with Ryan. That night I ended up in a conversation with Mike about my relationship. Ryan was married. Mike asked me “Why are you in a relationship with a married man?” The question hit me hard like I was seeing with new eyes that night. For the first time it felt embarrassing to try and excuse the situation. I silently concluded right then that I didn’t want to be in a relationship with a married man. I want to be able to talk happily about my situation and not to need to defend it. I flirted with Mike but did not take it anywhere inappropriate (although you might reason that flirting was inappropriate). Being able to talk to him and enjoying his company I wondered where it might go. Before anything could happen, I had a relationship I was still a part of. That relationship would last almost another year. I tried to text Mike and hoped to see him again. He was less easy going than I anticipated. Mike would on and off show interest in me. It was confusing and disorienting. But still I had interest. In February of 2016 I officially broke things off with Ryan. At that point I had already distanced myself with the idea of Mike. We had our occasional encounters showing interest in each other, but the interest never seemed to last to the next afternoon when Mike would become sober and shy. I let my interest in him subside. I would still see him around and enjoy any attention but did not hope for it. Time passed. At a Friends-giving in November of 2016 I mentioned to Mike and Mike Reilly that I was rock climbing. Shortly after a handful of the guys joined my gym, Central Rock. Mike and I were on a new page now. We were friends-that hung out, sober. It was great. Outside of the gym however when we happened into the same place he showed interest in me. And I went with it. We flirt occasionally now. Sober and not-so-sober. It’s pleasant, but it’s confusing. I have zero idea what he is interested in. My conclusions range from: he is shy and awkward, he is quiet and non-pursuant, to he is only interested in me when he’s intoxicated. I’m not concerned with how he is viewing things right now because I’m happy just doing me at the moment, but boy is it weird to not know what kind of regard he views me in.