It’s hard to be in the dark and write hopefully of the future. But the downs create the ups. Time enhances everything. And the road to happily ever after isn’t paved.
Some stories repeat, some stories stay with us and some stories get stored away and forgotten. I’m hoping this story repeats like one that once did. When I build feelings they aren’t easily washed away.
I liked a boy once, nearly a decade ago. We were friends and we spent a lot of time together. My eyes started to see only him and he knew this. September found him with someone else. Discouraged and dismayed I felt apart. My feelings lingered over me, troubling and disconcerting me. I was hopeful and hopeless and strained. The undying advice that we would never be haunted me. Time passed and the impossible happened. His relationship ended. I don’t know why he came back around to me, but he did. And it was all that I wanted. My feelings for him hadn’t skipped a beat. That relationship would have it’s ups downs and breakups. But I don’t regret too much of it. To feel was amazing.
Skip forward a lengthy number of years, a couple relationships, a few bad dates. I’m newly friends with a guy. The connection started almost a year preceding. Fun flirtation and attraction in a great atmosphere – a campground by the river. When he decided to hangout again, many months later, my mind didn’t think too much, but a few days with him and I hadn’t had enough of him. There wasn’t anything I didn’t like about him. I fell fast. And I read like an open book. He had recently gotten out of a relationship, and I think I may have just been the distraction. Stupidly happy to have been it. We’ve been spending time together for over a month and he doesn’t mirror my feelings. I chose not to believe this for a week or so and recently discussed it with him. He hard-coated his lack of interest last night. I think there is more there than he realizes. I’m unconsciously (but also consciously) hopeful that he starts to feel something for me. I’m writing this down because if he does, maybe this will be part of our story.
Keeping the faith.